Friday, May 18, 2012

The tortoise.



*Sings to the tune of I shot the Sheriff*

I found the tortoise,
And I took him to the library...

Yup. While walking to work today, my attention was drawn to movement on the sidewalk. I walked closer, and removed my sunglasses.

Imagine my surprise when I saw what it was: A TORTOISE!

Okay, so this is a big deal for one major reason, I live in Alberta, Canada.

This is NOT a place where turtles/ tortoises just wander around nonchalantly.

And this was definitely a tortoise, and also it was a good size. I'd say about 5 inches across, and 9 inches long.

I stood there as it slowly crawled toward me. I looked around to see if there was anyone around, or any open doors nearby. Nope. Unsure of what to do, I debated leaving it. Then I saw it start to crawl toward the street. Not wanting it to get run over, I picked it up and continued on my journey to the library.

I must have looked fairly strange, walking along with my headphones the size of earmuffs, a rock paper scissors lizard spock tote bag in one hand, and a tortoise in the other. I am no stranger to eccentricity, so I carried on my merry way.

I was highly amused at the tortoise's movements - it moved it's legs as though it was still walking in the air. It must have thought it was super freaking fast!

I was less amused when it started peeing, but I held it out to the side, and that ended soon enough.

(for real though, who'd have thought it would have such a large bladder?! That was a lot of pee for such a small animal)

I got to the library and the two other librarians decided a catch-and-release strategy would be the best way to deal with the tortoise. It peed again. Like, really - I never would have thought that tortoises have such large bladders! One drove it to a place by a pond in the park.

She did this despite my protestations that A) We live in Alberta, and tortoises do NOT wander around nonchalantly. It isn't supposed to be wandering around by itself. And B) I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to just release animals into the world. What if it was a harmful species? It had my fingerprints all over it! O.O

Seriously though, I'm sure if it isn't dead by now, it will be soon.

And that's sad.

My pleas fell on deaf ears. I was overruled, and unable to save the tortoise from it's fate.


An interesting adventure with a bittersweet ending.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

MY books.

As you are probably aware, I am a librarian. (best job ever).

Kids can be somewhat of a challenge at the library. Kids aren't big on keeping their voices down, and NOT touching things.

Anyways, a little boy and his parents came up to the counter to check out their books. We all stood there for a minute, and waited while the little boy held onto his books like they were the last life jacket on a sinking ship.

I looked at his parents, they looked at me. They looked at their son, and the mom finally (weakly) said, 'Honey, you need to give your books to the lady so she can check them out.'

Junior shook his head and screamed, 'NOOOOOO! MINE'

Parents have obviously been through this battle before, judging by the looks of grim resignation, and weary suffering that passed between them.

So I stepped up to the plate. I said, 'Hi, can I see the books please?'

He yelled, 'No! These ones are MINE!'

To which I replied, 'Actually, they're ALL my books until I check them out to you...'

He quickly handed the books over without another word.

The parents looked at me as if I'd discovered the cure for cancer.

That's right. They're ALL my books.

And don't you forget it. ;)

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Co*%&* blocker!

So today I wake up and wait an hour as I have to do after taking my thyroid pill. I can't eat or drink anything until that hour has passed.

Hour's up and I sprint to the coffee... then I realize that. There's. No. CREAMER!!!!!!!


I believe the phrase, 'fuck my life,' was bandied about, but it's all a blur.

I got dressed and walked to Mac's convenience store which is like a 3 minute walk away - not bad, but it's raining.

I get there, and of course they're sold out of half and half cream. *cries*

They only had flavoured kinds, which presented me with a problem; I hate flavoured coffee. But is flavoured coffee better or worse than none at all? So I paced back and forth in front of the cooler, glaring at my subpar choices. Hazelnut = too bitter. French vanilla = I love vanilla, hate FRENCH vanilla. Vanilla toffee caramel = WAY too sweet for me - I don't even take sugar in my coffee. That left White chocolate mocha as the best of a bad situation.

Then I checked it's expiration date. March 2012. Damn it, it's MAY now! I check the bottle behind that one. November 2011!!!

I put it back in the fridge, and resume pacing. I grudgingly grab the vanilla toffee caramel, but then the salesgirl walks by.

I asked the sales girl if there was any more regular cream in the back.

I had to explain what I mean by 'regular cream. "Regular half and half. Plain. Unflavoured. In a carton like the other kinds of milk. It has green on it instead of pink or yellow," (they're colour coded).

When she finally understood me, she went and looked in the back and nope. They were out.


Then, lightbulb moment! The coffee section - they must have tiny creamers, I could swipe a few to get me at least one cup of coffee in the manner to which I've become accustomed!

I walk over and no. No they don't have any. WTF am I going to do, use MILK?! (I know, I know, first world problems)

BUT there's a machine that dispenses half and half cream! YAY! So I go and ask the sales girl, I'm like - "I don't want coffee, I just need creamer, so if I just get a coffee cup and put some creamer in it, can I do that?"

She's like, "Um... I'm not sure I can even do that."

I'm like - "I'm not expecting it for free, you can charge me for it."

She's like, "I wouldn't even know what to charge you for something like that."

I'm like "... probably the price of the cup of coffee..." in my head I'm like 'Omg are you always this stunned? Who the hell are you, the dairy police?

She's like, 'oh. Okay!'

She could have died - she was trying to coffee-block me!

Writers NEED their caffeine - am I right?!